[No Survey] Plants vs Zombies 2 Hack Cheats Online 2018
DAE find they don't know how what makes them happy?
Maybe this is more an ACoN/LAN one because I'm out of it now so I'm not fighting fires anymore, more surveying the ruins. If so, feel free to downvote me to wrong subreddit hell.
I'm a workaholic. I want to love my job and I want to want to do overtime. And it's because it's my source of fulfillment - everything else (interpersonal relationships, hobbies etc) has been poisoned. Interpersonal relationships because when I'm with people I'm stressed that I'm displeasing them, and hobbies because I have fun and don't produce anything I feel....bad. Guilty. Worthless.
I will also say that another part of me thinks "actually fuck it. I don't want kids, I don't want to mess about. This is how I choose to contribute. Maybe that's just me. Maybe it's not the result of a deeply held trauma."
But when I try to take time off, I can't. I mean I can't. I can't do or think anything unless it's in the service of a goal, so to relax I just shut down, like Kenneth in 30 Rock. I vegetate or escape. I've even given up on reading since I reviewed what I read, determined it was not useful, and realised reading what I decide is useful is no fun. So now when I go to read (or whatever) my conscience says "that's useless, lazy, bad" and my brain goes "but I need to be happy? what do?" and then I just shut down and play Plants vs Zombies for hours. And I only really grasp that this has happened a day or so later.
The reason I think this is linked to my NMum (who is still active and ker-azy) is that she would always expect me to be ready to serve her, and nothing I did or wanted to do was important, it was all up to her to decide. Like, she would enroll us in classes and things at church, and then just stop taking us (no public transport, no money, no choice). She also never had any hobbies herself. She always went nuts at me for my hobbies, everything I wrote was subject to scrutiny like a window into my brain, everything I liked was satanic and evil. I know it's not, but I wonder is it almost a Pavlovian response?
I'd be ok with it but I'm really frightened that I'll turn into her, so I feel like I need to get a hobby. I just wanted to thrash this out somewhere I knew would accept the premise. Thanks for your time, any thoughts really appreciated.
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cradleofdata to
raisedbynarcissists
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