Two Drug Traffickers Arrested with an AK47 Gun in Kampong
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i need help.
this is going to be really long but i really need help. i’m a freshman in highschool. i live in a abusive home. i’ve never had a great relationship with my parents but im really on edge right now. my parents are both southeast asian immigrants, which are stereotyped as extremely strict, and they are. it wasnt always this way but its built up really bad over the years and now i have no idea what to do. i want to talk to my school counselor about everything thats going on but i want to explain the whole story to y’all so i can have an idea for what might happen. im not completely innocent in this whole story either but neither is anyone else in this family.
i’m 14 years old and bisexual. nobody in my family knows my sexual orientation. i used to live with my grandparents in kindergarten and moved to live with my parents and sisters in 1st grade. i have 2 older sisters and a brother. my half sister(in her late 20s now), my other sister (18 now), n my baby brother (1 year old). my dad has an insane temper and my mom is extremely controlling. both of them are racist, homophobic, and ignorant. they both have this mindset that the parent is on a higher level than the child and that the child has to follow and listen to whatever the parent says regardless of what it is. the rest of my family does not live in the same town as me and are extremely judgmental. i only get along with my sister(18) sometimes and 2 cousins. theres been abuse in other parts of my family too. my whole bloodline is fucked up.
my half sister is the outcast of my family. she didnt get along w my parents either and in 2nd grade she ran away. she came back in a cop car to get all her things and got in a big argument with my dad and was escorted out. the last time i saw her was 3rd grade at my grandpa’s funeral. and i cant remember exactly what year but it was around this era, but my parents, sister(18) ,and i were driving home from a family event and my sister and i were sleeping in the backseat. we woke up because my parents were arguing but they were speaking khmer and im not fluent so i wasnt sure what they said. my dad stopped the car, started hitting my mom, grabbing her , and tried to push her out of the car.
5th grade was the peak of my life. i had such a great group of friends and i was a popular girl. i didnt have a phone tho and i got social media that year on my ipad. (this is gonna play a big role in my life)
in 6th grade i stole my dad’s credit card and tried to buy a phone so i could talk to my friends since my ipad had been broken and i wasnt allowed to go out. i was beaten badly and i honestly did deserve it. i had also gotten into trouble at school for vaping and begged the assistant principal to not tell my dad and explained that he was abusive and she hinted to my dad that i told him that so he wouldnt hit me and then next day when she checked my body for bruises and found nothing she probably thought i was lying. i also told the counselor about my parents domestic violence that year too and nothing was done. i had started to become messy and unable to take care of myself. it was hard to get up and shower most days.
7th grade i got a phone and i was a social media addict. i gained popularity because of social media and i met a guy who was in 9th grade(11th now) and started dating him (worst mistake of my life) he kept asking me for nudes, really only wanted me for sex and because i was pretty & played basketball. we broke up 2 years ago but somehow he still affects me. i ended up sending him nudes later on 8th grade year and boy did that body dysmorphia hit. i was hospitalized for 2-3 days in the hospital for severe anemia, pica, and abnormal periods. i had to ride in an ambulance and the hospital bill was so expensive and my dad got so mad. he acted like i wanted it to happen and i wanted to get sick, when my half sister had anemia too and i was just born it with. in the summer after 7th grade, my baby brother was born.
in 8th grade i was trying to figure out who i wanted to be. i sent nudes to 2 (at the time) 9th graders and was convinced boys will only want you for sex. but i allowed myself to be used like that because i craved the attention because i was not getting it from my parents. then it happened. it was thanksgiving day. we didnt celebrate this year so it was basically a regular old day for us. long story short, my dad had beaten my mom so bad that day both her eyes were swollen shut and she couldnt show her face at work for over a month. i had told my half sister over instagram dm’s about it & a friend. my half sister was so angry and appalled but she decided not to contact authorities so my friend called the police to do a wellness check on my mom for me because i was so scared and she asked for it to be anonymous. the police came, told my mom that her daughter asked for a wellness check, and my mom guilt tripped me and got mad that i tried to call the police. i debated on going to the counselor but after many failed attempts i just gave up and decided to move on. i hadn’t taken any of my prescribed medicines for my anemia for almost a year because my dad hadn’t gone to refill them and i could feel the symptoms on my anemia coming back. since the incident of my dad almost beating my mom to death i lost focus in school. covid-19 had been very difficult for me because as an asian individual i started to face even more racism at school and in public. i started to lose self worth. i had trouble concentrating and i was trying so hard for it not to show on my report card, and it didnt. i got in trouble for cheating and my dad was called. when i came home my parents were rummaging through my messy room. i was in big trouble. then school closed because of quarantine. i slept in the living room for almost 3 weeks. i became suicidal because there was no escape from home at school anymore. i was home 24/7 and i felt anxious. i wrote a suicide note and overdosed. it didnt work because my body threw it all up while i was passed out. i was not taken to the hospital and my sister cried so hard. i felt so guilty. i started replacing my self harm scars with stick and pokes instead because i wouldnt want to slice artwork on my arms. i started doing drugs. only nicotine and marijuana, nothing more. my sister(18) had left town so my cousin could teacher her how to drive so i was stuck babysitting my brother almost all hours of the day. i was mentally exhausted. i would cry on the bathroom floor every night. i would rearrange my room often to have a sense of change and new environment. i dyed my hair. then my sister came back and i went out of town for a week. only 1 week. the whole summer, quarantined.
the week i left my house to go see my family out of town was the week school started. 9th grade. i did school online because of covid and i had to spend my birthday doing school. nobody in my family knew it was my birthday and my uncle even degraded me on my birthday because i looked “emo” because i had a strip of my hair red. i came back home and begged my dad to let me go to school in person because i just wasnt learning online. he let me go back and school was so difficult. i had no interest in learning, except in principles of health science because my teacher made that class fun. one day at home, long story short, my glasses were broken. my dad grabbed my hair and started called me useless and waste of money and started holding the hospital bills over my head again. we got in a really big fight because he was accusing me of breaking them on purpose. a friend gave me contacts i could have and tried to get me to talk to the counselor but i pussied out. my dad didnt talk to me for almost 2 months and only acknowledged my mom, sister, and brother. i feel uncomfortable at home around him or near him. yesterday my mom and dad found out i smoked and they ransacked my room and threw away many things that made me happy. i have to sleep in their room now and am not allowed to be by myself anymore. my dad threatened to kill me and was grabbing my hair and face and he left a scratch on my nose. im realizing that i need help. i need threapy. i need rehab. i do not want to continue drugs. i do not want to continue tattooing myself/ piercing in place of cutting. i want to be removed from my household but i worry about sending my parents to jail because sarina is in college and needs support and my baby brother needs a mom and dad. i have a picture of my mom from the night my dad beat her badly and my half sister & sister can confirm that he has had a violent past. but im not sure if thats enough. and what if this attempt fails too and im stuck in this household and they find out i tried to turn them in? what would happen if i told the school counselor about this because im scared.
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